I just started watching a new Japanese drama called “Say Hello to Blackjack” (Blackjack ni Yoroshiku). It’s about a young intern who, to make money, takes a part time job working at a hospital at night. Watching the show, I started to think of the times when I worked in the ER and ICU. Man, those were the days.

One night in the drama, while taking care of multiple patients, the main character (Dr. Saito) overhead the other doctor telling an ambulence crew to go ahead and bring the patient in. I could see the fear in his eyes, since they had enough patients as it was, with only 1 doctor and 1 intern.

On his second night of work, Dr. Saito was put in charge. He was the only doctor. When a motor vehicle accident victim came in, he panicked! He didn’t know what to do, and he couldn’t stop shaking. He finally ran away because he couldn’t do it.

Ah, the first time he had to do it all alone. I sympathize with him. But in a way, I can’t. Of course, the intern doesn’t have experience enough in that situation, coming right out of school.

I remember the first time I had to run a code. I can remember it like it was yesterday! I think anyone who has worked in the medical profession will always remember the first time they had to do CPR and the first time they had to actually run the code, at the very least. All I can say is, in the drama, at least the guy was still alive. My first time, he had just flatlined, and everyone looked at me. Needless to say, I was a bit shaky at first. Took me a second to grasp that he was actually gone. And if you’re wondering, yes, we did bring him back, and as far as I know, he’s doing rather well to this day.

The first time in anything is Really momentous. But somehow, saving someone’s life is a bit more intense. You’re on an adrenaline high, trying to get things done as fast as you can, and as carefully as you can. You don’t want to make the situation worse. I think working in the medical field just about makes you work better under stress. Because it basically comes down to a simple fact: if you don’t do it, the patient dies. I think many of the people I worked with kept that in mind. I just can’t express the feeling enough, I think.

Totally panicking is OK if you can get it under control relatively fast. I think so at least. I worked with one doctor who panicked every time. A good 30 seconds (or less) later, he would be rock solid and barking commands to everyone, making sure everything is done correctly.

Occassionally, you lose someone. Although you don’t Really have any ties with the patient (usually), of course you are going to feel horrible. You’re going to feel that pain deep down in your stomach because you’ve failed to bring back this person. There’s nothing quite like it. I will never forget that feeling. Ever.

When someone asks “Do you ever get used to it?”

I look at them real hard and tell them, “Pray to God you NEVER get used to it.”