Danalyn here, hijacking Yoshi’s blog because I screwed up my blog and needed a place to rant.

To the women who read this blog: Wouldn’t it be great to walk into a store and know exactly which pant size you need?

Yes it would. Instead of having to try to guess which size you are currently (because for some reason, clothing manufacturers decide to alter the size chart just to make fat people feel good about themselves because a size 16 is now a size 12).

Women need pant sizes like men have…with the addition of hip measurement.

“Oh look, 26, 36, 25 – just my size.” (stfu, I’m short, okay)

Instead, women have to jump through an assortment of hoops just to find the right fit.

First, you have the regular vs. the misses sizes. Regular: 2, 4, 6, 8, etc. Misses: 1, 3, 5, 7, etc.

Then, you have to figure out what length…but unlike men’s lengths, women only have the choices of petite (short), regular, and tall…where your height will fall in the manufacturers’ ever-changing size chart will vary, however.

I have been a size 8 my entire adult life. I’ve had “fat” and “not-so-fat” fluctuations that caused me to go up or down a pant size occasionally. But for the most part, I’ve been able to buy a size 8 without trying it on, and it would just fit.

But I have this problem with pants that, so far, only Old Navy has been able to solve. I’m short. Almost 5′3″…but not quite.

When I buy pants, petite lengths are usually too short for me, but regular lengths usually require come-fuck-me boots…and even then, sometimes, I still walk on the hems.

Last week, when the hole in my ass pocket seam tore beyond repair or reasonable shirt-cover-up, I went shopping for a new pair of jeans.

Without thinking, I grabbed a pair of 8/petites, paid, and walked out the door. I didn’t try them on because I have never tried on a pair of pants 10 years.

When I got home, they didn’t fit. They were huge. Not only slightly huge (like, maybe after dinner, you wouldn’t have to put your hand down your pants ala Al Bundy to relieve the pressure)…but I was swimming in them! I could pull the pants up and down without unbuttoning them. This might be advantageous for those “intimate” moments…but I’ve been married for 9 years and those moments are few and far between…and I would rather not have my ass sagging like I just took a dump in my pants.

So, I went back to the store last night.

This time, I picked up a size 6. Because the dressing rooms were crowded with a line forming (only 2 stalls), I decided to not try them on and brought them home.

They fit better…but they’re STILL BAGGY!

Now, before anyone says “Oh, you’ve just lost weight”, let me tell you I’m cheap bastard when it comes to clothes…as such, I still have 10-year-old clothes in my closet right now. MY 10-YR-OLD SIZE 8 PANTS STILL FIT ME JUST FINE THANKYOUVERYMUCH.

seriously…if it weren’t for my fat ass, I’d be buying men’s pants…but *sigh* women’s pants (when they actually do fit) fit better around the hips.

We should all just boycott clothes until they fix it, dammit!